I had this song and the Lord's prayer as company when entering the operating theater, and it gave me much comfort and peace. Ironically, this song was played and sung at mass the morning before my admission for surgery the following morning. I was initially afraid of even the thought of the operating theater because I had a bad first impression when I accompanied my son into one in Miri for his minor tongue tie operation before. I remember it was all cold and dull - so metallic and hospital-green with the bright lights right on top of the operating table - and I was not even the patient, but it freaked me out.
However, and thankfully, the newly-renovated surgical departments in the government hospital in Brunei is so much more comforting - clean, white and modern with sweet peach and light green colours. The surgeons and nurses were very friendly. "Ok, you are going to sleep now. Sweet dreams. See you later."
The next thing I knew I was awoken by the shouts of another fellow patient rebelling with the nurses to get up and stand or walk on his own post-operation.
The next thing I knew I was awoken by the shouts of another fellow patient rebelling with the nurses to get up and stand or walk on his own post-operation.
It has been over a month now, and waiting to meet the oncologists - I feel pretty normal and great, actually. It seems like a very serious matter to a lot of other people (although they mean well), especially when it comes to my biological age.
With family history, I sort of expected this. It does not matter what age. I never and would not question why this has befallen on me. Everything, including pain and sufferings happen to us because God allows them to. He loves us all the same, and because He loves us so much, He has given us a share of His Son's sufferings. If it is for my own good, then let His wills be done.
This brings us to the question my boss posted during our last weekly meeting. He has been very supportive and understanding - God bless his soul! - and he has brought up the question for me to ponder again, just today.
What is the point?
"We leave this world just as we entered it - with nothing. In spite of all our work there is nothing we can take with us." - Ecclesiastes 5:15
My answer now would most probably sound the same as my typical answer before. The difference is, back then, all the things I desired and all my dreams and happiness were mostly materialistic or worldly. Happiness is affected by situations and our environment and mood. Joy, however, once acquired, will always be there even amidst troubles or sufferings."O, the joy of the Lord is my strength!"
I used to worry and want to be hands-on in almost everything, especially with my kids. Well, there is only so much we can do. Our job as parents is of course, to teach and to guide, and to discipline when necessary. Beyond that, it is really not entirely up to us or in our control. Teach them well and they will get it eventually and remember. We do not know what happens tomorrow. It is up to God, really. Teach them, instead, to pray and to love God.
About death, I am really not scared of it. Life on earth is only temporary. God decides when we are born and when we die. When it is time to go, it is time. Who are we to play God and predict or decide if we should end our lives or prolong it? We have our choice to live our lives right and healthy, but that is all we can do for ourselves here.
Why not focus on being good enough in the Lord's eyes? Be strong in faith and trust in the Lord. He should always be the center of everything in our everyday lives. To worry is to say to God that He is incapable of providing and taking care of us.
"Then Jesus said to the disciples, "And so I tell you not to worry about the food you need to stay alive or about the clothes you need for your body. Life is much more important than food, and the body much more important than clothes. ... Instead, be concerned with His Kingdom, and He will provide you with these things." - Luke 12:22-23; 31
What would I do if today were my last day? In fact, since we will never know, we should live everyday as our last day.
I have my duties now, so I should give my best in all that I have to do, while awaiting the day I meet my Creator - till then, I pray that I am worthy to. To add on to fulfilling my duties, I should really focus on what I can give and do for others with all that I have. Lord, teach me how. Replace our hearts of stone with hearts filled with love, joy, peace and compassion.
The King will reply, "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." - Matthew 25:40
With family history, I sort of expected this. It does not matter what age. I never and would not question why this has befallen on me. Everything, including pain and sufferings happen to us because God allows them to. He loves us all the same, and because He loves us so much, He has given us a share of His Son's sufferings. If it is for my own good, then let His wills be done.
This brings us to the question my boss posted during our last weekly meeting. He has been very supportive and understanding - God bless his soul! - and he has brought up the question for me to ponder again, just today.
"If today happens to be your last day, what would you do?"
My typical answer before this year, would be to do all the things I desired or loved and fulfill all my dreams and be happy.
Well, before this year, I was constantly worried about not being good enough in the world's eyes and measures; not earning or having enough or not being successful; not being able to provide or be there for my children and my family; wanting to do this and that, travel etc. - the list went on.What is the point?
"We leave this world just as we entered it - with nothing. In spite of all our work there is nothing we can take with us." - Ecclesiastes 5:15
My answer now would most probably sound the same as my typical answer before. The difference is, back then, all the things I desired and all my dreams and happiness were mostly materialistic or worldly. Happiness is affected by situations and our environment and mood. Joy, however, once acquired, will always be there even amidst troubles or sufferings."O, the joy of the Lord is my strength!"
I used to worry and want to be hands-on in almost everything, especially with my kids. Well, there is only so much we can do. Our job as parents is of course, to teach and to guide, and to discipline when necessary. Beyond that, it is really not entirely up to us or in our control. Teach them well and they will get it eventually and remember. We do not know what happens tomorrow. It is up to God, really. Teach them, instead, to pray and to love God.
About death, I am really not scared of it. Life on earth is only temporary. God decides when we are born and when we die. When it is time to go, it is time. Who are we to play God and predict or decide if we should end our lives or prolong it? We have our choice to live our lives right and healthy, but that is all we can do for ourselves here.
Why not focus on being good enough in the Lord's eyes? Be strong in faith and trust in the Lord. He should always be the center of everything in our everyday lives. To worry is to say to God that He is incapable of providing and taking care of us.
"Then Jesus said to the disciples, "And so I tell you not to worry about the food you need to stay alive or about the clothes you need for your body. Life is much more important than food, and the body much more important than clothes. ... Instead, be concerned with His Kingdom, and He will provide you with these things." - Luke 12:22-23; 31
What would I do if today were my last day? In fact, since we will never know, we should live everyday as our last day.
I have my duties now, so I should give my best in all that I have to do, while awaiting the day I meet my Creator - till then, I pray that I am worthy to. To add on to fulfilling my duties, I should really focus on what I can give and do for others with all that I have. Lord, teach me how. Replace our hearts of stone with hearts filled with love, joy, peace and compassion.
The King will reply, "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." - Matthew 25:40
