Spending these last few hours of the last day of 2014, and as most of the rest of the world seem eager to welcome the brand new year, I...honestly do not know how I should be feeling. There are so many things running through my mind.
2014 has been... Overwhelming. Almost too overwhelming. So many things have happened.
We have welcomed the newest member of our family, Kaitlyn - who was overdue and I had the chance to finally experience the agonizing pain of being induced for labour. It was horrible! Over 10 hours of pain - contractions of 5 minutes apart right when it began! - only getting closer and more intense through the hours. With Nathan, I felt nothing until the pushing stage - only the uncontrollable urge to push; with Mikaela, I felt and timed my contractions from 6.30am and was out and about until the contractions were 5 minutes apart later that evening (both no pain reliever). With Kaitlyn, I was given gas which did not help much except it made me dizzy. Of course all those were worth it the minute I laid eyes on her. Today, she is 11 weeks old.
At the same time, I cannot help but feel a tinge of sadness that Kaitlyn has not got the chance to get to see her grandmother. I know my Mum is in a better place now and is watching over us. I miss you, Mummy.
They say end the year with a big bang. Well, my big bang came with the diagnosis of recurrent breast cancer - the same rare and aggressive Triple Negative type. It does not really concern me if it were only me. I am just thinking of my kids who are so young. I feel sorry as well knowing that they may be carrying this faulty gene.
Regardless, I shall prevail! This is my cross to bear. Still sticking with God. So, bring it on, devil!
A good friend of my parents' told me to look at it at a different perspective - perhaps I need to be the one to find the solution for my children who are still young - just in case they face this in the future. She gave me this quote from the Bishop when she attended mass that day.
"We do not know what tomorrow brings, but we walk this journey with Faith."
Yes, faith in the Lord.
Keeping focus on the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness for everything in and of this world is only temporary.
Until then, do with me as You will, Lord. Let Thy will, not mine, be done.
To all you amazing friends and family who have been praying for me, thank you! I am eternally grateful for these saints in my life to help ease this temporal journey.
Have an amazing New Year, Everyone!
God Bless!
