Monologue

I am tired. No, not literally physically only. Not at life, as a whole. I am tired of all these constant episodes of going round in circles - of going nowhere, but back to square one time and time again.

My lack of rest and sleep and all these peculiar dreams I have been getting are not helping! I wake up remembering all these vivid dreams and wondering what messages they bring. And, and these stupid devils or whatever they are which just have not stopped bothering me, especially at times I am praying - WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME, REALLY?! I am not afraid of you, so what is your point? You think if you succeed at scaring me, you will get me to be on your side instead of God's? HAH! Pathetic. And messing with a mother when she is alone and with her children around? Wrong move! Lay a finger on my kids, and my mother instincts will make sure you are destroyed and trampled and thrown into the bottomless pit where you belong!

I sound like a lunatic here. It is alright.

What is the answer here? I know one should not make rash decisions only when in times of crisis. OK, lately, I have been calm, and I still see the same outcome. I still get the same vibes. Tsk. Such disappointment. So, what is it, really?

I guess this is it. Or is it?
Lord, show me the way! Let Thy Will be done.